Nonviolent Communication, often called NVC, is a gentle and respectful way of connecting with children and adults. Developed by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg and supported by ideas from the book Taking the War Out of Our Words, it focuses on understanding feelings, recognizing the needs behind behaviors, and responding with empathy instead of control or punishment. In Montessori education, where respect for the child and peaceful problem solving are at the heart of learning, NVC fits naturally into everyday life. Whether at school or at home, using kind and mindful words helps children feel safe, understood, and confident, while teaching them how to express emotions and resolve conflicts calmly.
Babies (0 to 12 months)
At school:
In the Montessori infant room, the guide gently says, “I am going to pick you up now,” and waits until the baby looks toward her or lifts their arms before picking them up. During diaper changes, she talks calmly through each step and moves slowly, even when the baby is upset.
At home:
Before lifting the baby from the crib, a parent says, “Good morning, I am going to pick you up now,” and waits a moment. When the baby cries and the parent feels tired, they pause, take a breath, and remind themselves that the baby is communicating a need for comfort, not misbehaving.
Toddlers (1 to 3 years)
At school:
When it is time to clean up and a toddler does not want to stop playing, the guide says, “You are building with the blocks and want to keep working.” Then offers a choice: “Would you like to put away the big blocks or the small ones first?”
When a toddler grabs a toy, the teacher calmly says, “You both want the truck. I see you are upset,” and helps them take turns.
At home:
When leaving the park, a parent says, “You are having so much fun and want to stay longer. It is hard to leave.” Then offers one more turn on the slide before heading home.
If a toddler throws food, instead of yelling, the parent says, “It looks like you are finished eating. Let’s clean up together,” and gently guides them.
Preschoolers (3 to 6 years)
At school:
If a child spills water, the teacher calmly says, “The water spilled. Let’s get a cloth and clean it up together,” instead of blaming.
When a child does not want to line up to go outside, the guide says, “You are still enjoying your work. We are going outside now. Would you like to walk or hop to the door?”
When a child hurts a friend, the teacher helps with repair by saying, “Your friend is crying and looks hurt. What can we do to help them feel better?”
At home:
If a child refuses to put on shoes, a parent says, “You want to keep playing inside and are not ready to go yet.” Then offers choices like picking which shoes to wear.
If a child lies about breaking something, instead of scolding, the parent says, “Were you worried I would be upset? Let’s talk about what happened,” and helps them fix or clean up the mess.
Elementary age (6 to 12 years)
At school:
When a child feels frustrated with a lesson, the teacher says, “This feels hard right now and you are feeling stuck. Would you like help, a break, or to try again together?”
When two children argue over materials, the teacher listens to both sides and helps them find a solution.
At home:
If homework feels overwhelming, a parent listens and says, “It sounds like you are frustrated because you want to do it well.” Then helps break the work into smaller parts or takes a short break together.
If siblings fight over a game, the parent says, “You both want the same game and are upset. Let’s find a way that works for everyone,” and helps them take turns or choose another activity.
Adolescents (12 to 18 years)
At school:
When a teen forgets a classroom responsibility, the guide says, “I noticed the plants were not watered today and I am concerned because they need care.” Then they talk about what happened and make a plan.
At home:
If a teen forgets chores, a parent says, “I noticed the trash was not taken out and I feel worried because we all share responsibility at home.” Then they discuss reminders or schedules.
When a teen wants to go out with friends, instead of saying no right away, the parent asks who will be there and how they will get home, explaining that safety is important.
For Adults
At school:
If a teacher feels overwhelmed by a busy classroom, she pauses, breathes, and reminds herself she needs calm and support, then asks another teacher for help if needed.
At home:
If a parent snaps during a stressful moment, later they apologize and say, “I was feeling stressed and spoke loudly. I am sorry. Let’s try again.”
When we practice nonviolent communication with children of all ages, we are not just managing behavior, we are building lifelong skills. Children learn empathy, responsibility, cooperation, and emotional awareness through everyday interactions. By using gentle language, listening with understanding, and finding solutions together, both families and classrooms become calmer and more connected spaces. Just as Montessori education nurtures the whole child, NVC supports the heart and mind by teaching children how to communicate with respect and compassion. Over time, these simple daily practices create stronger relationships and a peaceful community where everyone feels valued.